I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
