Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
