This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
