Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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