last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
