i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
