WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
If I die, sorry about rent.
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