True but thats because hes a fetus.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
