Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
