ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
