I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
