eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
