I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
