i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
