Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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