mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
