I wanna bring you to show and tell
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
