Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
