Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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