were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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