i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
