I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
