You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
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