Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
