Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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