grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
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