There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
