Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
