Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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