His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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