We won't sleep together?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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