Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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