i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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