Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
