i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
