it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
