CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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