I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
