So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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