The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
