Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
