i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
