You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Watching her eat just hurts me
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
