Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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