i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
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