Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
