my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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