I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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