just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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