He disabled his match.com account in front of me
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
