how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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