Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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