You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
